Church Today

Deuteronomy 8

Remember the LORD Your God

 ¹ “Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers. ² And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. ³ So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. ⁵ You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you.
⁶ “Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. ⁷ For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; ⁸ a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; ⁹ a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. ¹⁰ When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you.
¹¹ “Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, ¹² lest—when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; ¹³ and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; ¹⁴ when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage; ¹⁵ who led you through that great and terrible wilderness, in which were fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty land where there was no water; who brought water for you out of the flinty rock; ¹⁶ who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end— ¹⁷ then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’
¹⁸ “And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. ¹⁹ Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the LORD your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish. ²⁰ As the nations which the LORD destroys before you, so you shall perish, because you would not be obedient to the voice of the LORD your God.

Do I trust God's love? Do I believe that He is by my side through times of trouble, hurt, and loneliness? Do I believe that though He did not spare me from these times that He is bringing me through them in order to shape me and prepare me for what lies ahead? Do I hold onto His promises that He will provide for me; that I will never be without what I need? Do I remember to praise Him in times of great happiness and good fortune? Do I look to Him to guide me in all my ways?

These are the thoughts that came to mind during todays service and my answers vary greatly among them. All I can say is that I am working on it. That I recognize that I am being chizzled but don't yet feel willing to acknowledge the Masters plan for my life. I am resisting His calling and I am pushing against His pleas even though these are the very things I ask for in my prayers. I keep asking Him to draw closer to me and give me the desire to draw closer to Him. That feels so hard when I feel so alone.

I don't know how I manage to isolate myself or why it feels like others repulse my company. You think it would be easy to fall into the arms of Jesus when I view my situation this way but instead, I find myself repelling. In my loneliness I find no strength to call out or reach out. My situation only worses as I find reason to sleep longer, run farther, or waste my time idly.

As I listened to the passage in Deuteronomy this morning I felt my walls breaking. I recently heard that depression is anger repressed and I have been holding back every thought and emotion lately, pretending to be strong. Transitional times are always hard, but when new acquaintances ask "how are you are liking it out here" and you want to reply with "it sucks" or "I really haven't had time to process it yet" or "I am so lonely" but instead you reply with "it sure is warm" or "the beaches are nice" (even though you secretly think Michigan beaches are way better). I am tired of pretending I got it all together, and I realized this morning that I need to let my Savior in. I need to let him take over because trying to figure everything out on my own is not working for me and I don't feel any happier being the one in charge.

So I am in the desert, with all its venomous snakes and scorpions, and I am learning to see God in my life and learning to trust Him to provide.