Does having only a few close friends make them the best friends ever or does having almost a thousand friends mean that you are someone who is easy to befriend, meaning that considering the person that only has a few close friends, they might not be all that friendly?
Urgh, how do I say what I want to say and make sense?
Why do numbers matter? Aren't numbers arbitrary? I mean what makes math work? I wrote out 6 lesson plans for my math unit today and the thought crossed my mind - How did any of this come to be? Why is the circumference about three times the diameter. Why does an array make perfect sense out of a number story on multiplication? All these questions about math carried over beyond lesson planning.
I began to notice numbers. For instance, I have three followers. Three. What does that tell you?
A) I am knew to blogging B) People that may stop by my sight don't view it as worth reading regularly
C) Those three really care about me D) None of the above
Or take for instance the number of comments on a blog. Some have 9, some have 13, some have 2. What is the difference between these numbers? Is one entry resonate better than some? Or do people care more about what one person has to say compared to another?
I have 327 contacts in my cell phone, but if you asked me how many people call me or text me a week I would answer 3. We're back to three.
Maybe I am too negative. Maybe that is why people don't want to be my friend. Maybe I am too intimidating. I don't know how but I have been told that before. That people find it hard to approach me. Maybe I smell...I have been meaning to pick up a new perfume. Maybe I am awkward. Maybe I make people feel uncomfortable. Maybe people don't trust me. Maybe I lack compassion. I was informed tonight that I am not a compassionate person. That was knew.
Whatever the reason is, I have been lonely my whole life. In recent years I have studied the world around me to tried to find my niche; I am still trying and yet I feel like I am failing. I am a middle child and maybe I am cursed with struggling to find my identity, my individuality, and my security. Or maybe it's that I've found it and I don't mesh with anyone else.
Why do people always tell me that I should have more girl friends? Grrr, this makes me so mad! I have girlfriends. I have friends that a girls! I talk and hangout with girls. I enjoy girls. But when it comes down to it, girls don't welcome me and they sure don't invite me. I have to actively seek to be involved and that really hurts my feelings- deep. Guys call me up and ask if I want to watch the game, catch a movie, ride bikes, go run, shoot guns, help them bake, sit around a bonfire, get away for a weekend of camping. Guys call me. Guys make an attempt to maintain a friendship. Every girl friend I have ever had has let me fall by the wayside and has never looked back. It's always me who has to find the time, the courage, the initiative to call and say, "hey, it's been awhile friend...."
Does it make me manly, no! I enjoy outdoor activities, so what. I also enjoy getting my nails done, shopping, and reading Instyle magazine.
Ha, at this moment when I am falling apart at the seams...low and behold a long lost guy friend is calling. I must answer.
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