Nostalgic

Nostalgia intruded on the montage of ideas that echoed in my mind. Each step resonated the longing that I was trying to outrun. Even the cold, which stole my breath, was unable to numb the persistence of this emotion. I kicked it into overdrive. Certainly alittle faster cadence would release this jammed state of thought. No change. The dark was quickly wrapping itself around me. I wasn't ready to stop and give into the idea, give into the invasion. I took my eyes off the road and pointed them toward the sky. The horizon was barely holding an amber glow and the twinkle of silver dust was appearing overhead. I screamed. This only convinced me that yes, indeed, somewhere else was far better than here. I stopped fighting and let the idea tumble for the remainder of my run. Finally, true surrender. I fell on the frozen earth and wept. I wept because I am tired of holding in. I wept because I don't know why I am here, and why I can't be somewhere else. To be where I really want to be, surrounded by the people that I really want to be with. I layed their a long while staring at the life I've always known dimly lit and warm behind frosted windows. All the familiarity offered only temporary comfort. I rolled onto my back and let the bitter night air cover me. I looked again to the sky and there, amongst the sea, rose my answer. There is so much more than here and I am so much more than this. I have tasted true compassion that comes from being fully dedicated to service. I have felt the joy that comes from being surrounded by common understanding. And I have felt the peace that comes from living a life of purpose. It's not wrong for me to want to return to the place that made me feel alive, but this is my stage now and until the curtain falls and a new act follows I must stand to my feet and perform my best. The cold night air steals the last bit of warmth and I rise, enter the familiar and embrace the present.